Until Strawberry Sherbet
by Tabby Phobos
Summary: Rating for swearing. Not a songfic. Tira's musings about her life, the other hunters, and her job.


A/N: Yes, I am aware that this is my first (and probably only) Bakuretsu Hunters fanfic. Keep in mind that I haven't seen much, or read much, but I'm just basically going off what I've seen (First six TV eps, the OVAs) and read (Up to the beginning of the necromancer arc in the manga, not to mention jillions of fics), so bear with me. I'm aware that I listed this as General/Drama, but I'd like to warn you right now, there are random mentions of VERY VERY mild shounen ai. Wait, come back! Get your ass back here! Did I say you could leave? Didn't THINK so! Allow me to explain myself before you run away screaming. Ahem. This fanfic centers around Tira's thoughts, especially about the other hunters. Which means, yes, her response to Gateau flexing at Marron and Mille glomping Carrot. Get over it. This may seem a little OOC, but I'm trying to mix the schizophrenic-ness that is our little dominatrix in a blender. That, and my writing style forces me to be blunt, frank, and quite vulgar. That's the reason for the high rating you know. I'll admit it. And, despite the title, this is NOT a cheesy songfic. Well, I can't promise anything on the cheesy part, but I can promise that this is not a songfic. So, let's jump away from the ramblings of Tabby to her disclaimer, shall we? Satoru Akahori, Rei Omishi, A.D.Vision Films, and Tokyo Pop own Bakuretsu Hunters, not me, as much as I wished I did. Darn. This fanfic is written not for financial profit, but for the entertainment purposes of both writer and readers. Don't kill the writer for her insolence. Don't sue her either, unless you really do want her pocket lint. All others, if I find you plagiarizing me, I will cook you over an open pit, alive, then stab you to death with a plastic spork as typo demons eat you from your most valuable parts of your anatomy up. Hehehe. Whee. Anyway, let's get this party started, ne?

~*~

Job or no job, mission or no mission, they all seem to act the same. Who knows? Maybe the next time, one of us may die. But until that comes to the light, I suppose, this is how it will always be. Laughing, joking, grumbling, incessantly flirting. Maybe we all hide behind it. Perhaps. Who knows?

Maybe I'm reading to far into it. I mean, everyone knows I hide myself from everyone. Did you think these glasses were so thick thanks to my vision problems? Please. I need them, yes, but not very much. Thin lenses would suffice, but I've never liked the look of my eyes. Marron says that I have beautiful eyes, but he's biased. Of course your best friend is going to tell you that you have beautiful eyes. I told him the same thing. But his eyes really are beautiful. They're black just like Carrot's, but much softer, more approachable. Sometimes they even look like some precious metal when he's truly happy. But I haven't seen that happened since we were kids. I don't even know what triggered the change, really…

I think I went off onto a tangent. Oh well. Yes, the way I hide from others. Despite my, ahem, WORKING uniform, I'm very modest. I really don't like people looking at my body. Hell, I don't like looking at my body. I'm not crazy, I swear. I'm a little too short, but my breasts are all right, I guess. My butt and thighs could use some work. Mille likes my thighs, and he says they're lovely. But please remember that this is a guy that gropes anything with two legs, and squeals every time he gets to touch, whether it is my legs, Gateau's muscles, Marron's butt, Oneesama's breasts, or Carrot's… ahem. Not that he's even SEEN Carrot. He wouldn't allow something like that. In fact, I think the only ones who've seen him naked are Marron and me. Marron, well, Marron's his little brother, what does Carrot care. Me on the other hand… Well, what was really strange is that he didn't mind after that little incident. Now that I think about it, that little bitch actually asked me whether it turned me on or not! He seriously deserved to be whipped right then and there, but I suppose it was my mere attraction to him that only got him a blow to the head with a mallet…

Dammit, don't tell me I've gone off on THAT particular tangent. Fuck. Well, since I've brought it up, might as well continue it, right? Problem is, I don't know what's going on here. Mille wants Carrot more than he wants any of the rest of us. Oneesama is constantly groping him, undressing for him, and basically throwing herself at him. Carrot is always chasing after every skirt that walks by. Where does this leave me? Pining for that stupid, perverted, little DICK that I've known for the longest time. Fucking hell, I don't even remember when it started. Wait, yes I do. That time he had to save me, and only me, from the tree. This was after Oneesama's little disappearing act, which is when SHE started loving him. She learned how to get down on her own after that.

But, no. I'm not talking about Oneesama. I'm talking about when Carrot saved me from the tree, and we promptly fell out of it afterwards. Now that I think of it, the last time I thought about it, I woke up to find Carrot practically humping my leg before we went on the mission with the Playboy bunny girl. Of course I beat the shit out of him for it. But it couldn't help but make me wonder, does he like me too?

Doubtful. I'm sure that beating taught him a lesson. "I'm not interested", my foot. Well, it's not so much a physical thing. Or a personality thing, now that I think of it. Or it may be. Who knows. Face it, Carrot is a sexy bitch. Why else would both Mille and Oneesama chase him to the edges of the continent? But he's just so DISGUSTINGLY perverted, it makes a huge hole in his personality. But he can be nice. Funny too. And if you knock him unconscious first, he's a great listener. But get a pretty girl within reach of him, and hot damn, you better have good running shoes to catch him. Or really great bitch boots.

If Carrot went with Oneesama, I used to think I would be devastated. But the more I think about it, the more it seems likely, and the more it doesn't bug me. In fact, I think I'd be happier if Carrot settled with my sister than some random slut off the street.

See, I know Oneesama is a good person inside. She used to be a huge tomboy when we were really little. And when she started to feel for Carrot, she started chasing him, annoying him, bugging him, pushing him into the mud. I always was jealous of her, because she could have fun with one of the Glace boys. But then I started playing with Marron. I don't care what anyone says, but I couldn't have asked for a better friend. Marron is caring, beautiful inside and out, and just so sensitive, you want to hug him whenever he gets upset till he dies. No wonder Gateau is in mad love with him. Wait, I was talking about Carrot. Well, I'll get to Gateau and Marron in a bit.

But, and this may sound mean, but if Carrot ended up with Mille, I wouldn't take it. Carrot, one of the straightest guys I've ever SEEN, with a guy? It's just so wrong to see him blushing like mad whenever Mille is frisking him. But, if you think about, the chances of Mille and Carrot hitting off are pretty high. Carrot insists far too much that he's straight, but yet he blushes ever time Mille even fucking WINKS at him. And you know what they say, "Sexuality runs in the family."

Which brings me once again to our dear Marron-chan. When we were just a bit younger, before we got serious in the sorcerer-hunting department, I would have told you Marron was asexual. He was blooming into his puberty nicely, becoming more and more beautiful by the day. Despite all the snide remarks from those who had nothing better to do, or who were just jealous, Marron had quite a lot of admirers. But he never really cared. He was always too in depth with his studies. He was mastering the last bits of his magic then, I remember. Never saw him without a book in front of his face. Well, those thick books could never really hide it, but he tried. That was when I started wearing big, thick cloaks and dresses and big, thick glasses to hide my appearance. I was not a pretty young teenager, and those in school never ceased to remind me of it. No one could ever believe that we had older siblings that were so different. Carrot started following ever girl with a nice set of tits, a nice ass, or a pretty face, never caring when he got backhanded fifteen times a day. In fact, he started counting, trying to set his own records and break them! And Oneesama was very popular with the boys. See, when she went through puberty, she went through a total transformation. She went from pants and shirts to short skirts and halter-tops. And man, did SHE fill those out well! But it did hurt a bit to always hear about them. It seemed that everyone had their admirers, but everyone had those that were jealous too. Everyone except Carrot and me. We were just the butts of the jokes. The guy that never got any, and the desperate, fat girl. I wasn't even fat. I still am not. I'm just not happy with my ass and thighs.

Dammit, that goddamn tangent! All right, Marron. Marron and Gateau, specifically. Gateau was friends with Carrot, just hanging out with him when we were younger. And with Oneesama hanging off of Carrot constantly, you could barely ever see the three of them apart. Gateau never really played with his sister Eclaire. To this day, I've only spoken with her a few times. But that's another story. When we were younger, I don't think I stress enough that it was Marron and me. No one else. Occasionally it would be Oneesama, or even Carrot, but we never officially met Gateau until me and Marron were about fourteen.

Gateau wasn't quite as built as he is now, but he was a pretty big guy. Big muscles back then too. From first appearances, I thought he was a nice slice of beefcake. Hey, I can look! Marron was polite, as he is to everyone he doesn't know well. Everyone except me, it seems sometimes. But that's not the point. Gateau was obviously drooling over Marron, and was surprised that Marron was a guy. Not deterred in anyway, though. He just acted all suave and kissed Marron's hand. Marron started blushing like a crazy man. I thought it was funny, because no matter how many love letters Marron got, he never got THIS bad.

Carrot was about to beat the shit out of Gateau for coming onto his brother when Gateau started flirting with me too. I laughed, but I'm still kind of wary of him. He tells me often that I'm beautiful, but he mostly does it because he thinks I need the praise. I know him, almost as well as I know Marron. Gateau came to me to get info on his best friend's sexy brother. He still does, now that I think of it, but Carrot and him aren't friends anymore. Carrot's just too thick-headed to be open-minded.

I don't see anything wrong with Marron being with Gateau. I'm the only one that knows that they are officially together. They trust me. But, anyway, I don't see anything wrong with them together. It's sweet, in a way. But the idea of Mille and Carrot together makes me sick. Probably because it's Carrot. And Carrot… well, he just doesn't have homosexual tendencies. It's just not like him.

Mille's a fun guy, actually. When he's not trying to get between your legs and under your shirt. Other than that, it's so funny to see his own perversions in actions. He's like the ultimate flirt, going after everything and anything. Watching him get put down is more entertaining than Carrot. Mostly because he barely EVER gets turned down. Except by us, of course. But barely ever Oneesama. He knows how to rub her the right way. And when I say rub, I MEAN rub. Sometimes, I wonder if life would be easier if Oneesama would just start fucking Mille, then I could have Carrot. But no. Life isn't supposed to be easy. That's one thing I learned as a sorcerer-hunter.

I like being a sorcerer-hunter. I'm still a peasant in caste terms, but at the same time, I'm above them. I mean that in the nicest way possible. When they can't help themselves, we help them. We have the power to help them. We're almost like super heroes, in a way. They're in situations where they're helpless, and we, the nameless hunters, come and help them, eliminating their problem. We can't fly, only gateau has super strength, but we all have our own talent that makes our team more than just a group. Oneesama and Gateau often take their own cases because they're their own group. Mille is a Haz knight, and we only work with him sometimes. But he just can't help but annoy us sometimes. After we all started our careers, it was Carrot, Marron, and I for quite some time. But then we started seeing more of Oneesama and Gateau, and then we met Mille. Next thing we know, we're practically teamed up with Oneesama and Gateau, and we see Mille just as often as Daughter and Big Mama. Which is very, very often. We haven't gotten a mission in a few days, but I'm sure that will change. And Mille just couldn't help but come visit us and take our vacation as a chance to get intimate with at least one of us, if not all.

But, the more I think of it, the more I start to think of that hiding thing. Maybe, to everyone else, this job is something to be ashamed of. Something they won't want to tell their grandkids. Personally, I wouldn't mind giving even some random kids some hope. "Yes, that's right, children. I'm a savior. An elusive sorcerer-hunter. And I came to set you free." Just the idea of the ecstasy on their faces makes me tremble in happiness. I enjoy my job more than anything else. With all my emotional, physical, mental instabilities, my job is my escape. I can worry about someone else's pain, instead of just mine. I can put my healing powers to work, my schizophrenic transformation to work. The exact power I share with my sister and no one else. Destined to keep Carrot's beast domesticated with a crack of a whip and a flung wire.

And now you see why I share Carrot with my sister, practically handing him to her. We're destined to keep him in line, to settle him. But who will actually do it is what holds the two of us apart. Don't fear, Oneesama. If I can't have him, you better keep him in a box. We don't need some village girl picking him, stealing from us. He's ours. Whoever he chooses, it must be one of us. Only we can handle him. As long as it is one of us, I'm happy.

Ah, it appears that I was right. I knew we'd get a case sooner or later. Or maybe we can cross our fingers that Mama is just telling Mille to get his butt home. By the grin on Daughter's face, it looks like that's not the case. Damn. Oh well. As much as I love my job, vacations are fun. They give us a chance to reflect on what's been going on, who we're with, and what of the future. But I still don't resent who I am. My schizophrenia, my hiding in the background, my shortness, my too big butt and thighs. I am who I am, and I'm not going to change who I am for anyone. Not for Oneesama, not for Mama, not for Carrot.

Oh, those assholes. They're leaving without me. Well, I'll have time to think more later. Right now, we have a mission. More peasants to save. Peasants that we used to be like, exactly. I yell and run after them, waving my arms for them to wait up. I'm making a spectacle of myself, I know. I don't care. They stop and wait for me to catch up, and we all walk together towards the next village.

These are the people who I love. The laughing, the joking, the grumbling, the incessant flirting. And they all love me back. I know it. Oneesama, Gateau, Marron, Mille, even Carrot. We all love each other, for who we are. Really good friends. Why else would we risk each other's lives for each others'?

It sounds corny, but I love them and they love me. Despite my too big butt and thighs.

~*~

OWARI

~*~

A/N: Well, how was that? Did you like it? Yes, I'm aware that was OOC in the worst way, but this is how I see Tira's psyche. So, did you like it? Huh, huh, huh? ^^ Not bad for my first Bakuretsu Hunters fanfic, ne? (Sorry for the arrogance. I just like it. I liked writing it. It was, actually, quite fun.) Well, this is a one-shot, so, no, there won't be anymore later. Gomen. But you'll get over it. Well, I'll suppose I'll see you all if I ever write another BH fic, which I think might happen. But not at this point. Anyway, review me if you liked it, review me if you didn't, but don't review me if you hated it, or I will cook you over an open pit, alive, then stab you to death with a plastic spork as typo demons eat you from your most valuable parts of your anatomy up. Or make you try to pull my big clunky boot from your ass. That would be fun! ^^ Anyway, I'll see you some other time! Thanks for putting up with me! 


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